Heartbreak, illness, money problems: Some people share their worries with colleagues at work and engage in what is known as oversharing. But how much is too much time spent on 22Bet?
“Too much information”: Some things about other people’s lives are better left unknown. If friends or relatives then simply continue to tell you every last detail, you can sometimes say “stop. But how does that actually look on the job – and what information from private life fits in here?
For psychologist and author Rolf Schmiel, the line between a confidential conversation and an excess of private information is clear: oversharing means telling intimate details to others without being asked. And doing so where it doesn’t usually belong. “If I report to my life partner that I have an ingrown hair on my butt, that’s already very intimate. But if I tell a work colleague, that’s breaking the line of what’s customary,” Schmiel says.
That may be inappropriate. But if you reveal a little too much intimate information in the heat of the moment, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re engaging in long-term problematic oversharing. But it can be different if you regularly and intensively share extremely private things. And that doesn’t just include reports about ingrown hairs or toenails.
Problems in the relationship or financial difficulties can also be quite intimate.
Avoid One-Side Problem Discussion
Of course, there are enriching moments when colleagues open up to each other, share difficult life situations or career disasters, and thus develop more understanding of each other. “But it becomes difficult when a person shares personal dramas with colleagues without being asked,” says business economist Dorothea Assig, who advises clients in top management together with Dorothee Echter.
Especially in times when even the most private details are shared on social media, the boundaries often seem blurred. “It seems self-evident and desirable to show yourself authentically, with all your weaknesses, illnesses, and failures,” says Munich sociologist Dorothee Echter. However, she says, this impression is deceptive.
“Oversharing is one-sided, not a confidential conversation; it stems from the need to elevate oneself to the interesting center of attention,” says Assig. The people around are virtually obliged to listen. For Dorothee Echter, oversharing is then also a contact disorder. “Someone wants to force compassion and instead gets shame and distance – which, however, are not expressed.”
Set Boundaries
But not every topic, every conversation has to be endured without comment on the job. “No one has the right to clutter up my communicative privacy. Nor do I allow anyone to put a roll of toilet paper on my desk,” says Schmiel.
According to him, there are, therefore, always two sides to harmful self-disclosure: “In the workforce, the person who regularly experiences oversharing simply also has a real demarcation problem himself,” says Schmiel. “The responsibility is fifty-fifty. Unless the oversharing is run by the boss.” Here, he says, people often let it get the better of them, worried that annoyed eye-rolling could have negative consequences.
One piece of advice from Dorothea Assig: “If you don’t want to be told difficult personal dramas in great detail, say it in a way that doesn’t make the other person feel embarrassed.” After all, anyone who feels patronized or treated in an upper-teacher-like manner will quickly go into rebuttal. But you could say, for example, “Please excuse me; I don’t feel comfortable; I’m not the right person for this conversation because I can’t say anything about it.”
Rolf Schmiel recommends using “I-messages” that explain why the information in question bothers or irritates you – or why you consider it inappropriate. You could start the conversation with words like: “Maybe I’m a bit too sensitive myself. But your descriptions have the following effect on me.
Ideally, you take time for this and choose a relaxed situation – perhaps during a walk together.